When Losing a Sale Means Winning at Life

What You’ll Find In This Week’s Newsletter

• 💸 The Day My Client Thanked Me For Failing Her

• 🫥 The Hidden Language of “I Need”

• ^🦻🏻 The "Selective Hearing" Trap

• 🕵🏻‍♂️ Become A "Needs Detective"

Hello Caregiving Warriors,

Let me share something that happened last week that absolutely BLEW MY MIND. 🤯

Because it's not just about home modifications, stairlifts, or even accessibility...

It's about what happens when we actually HEAR what our loved ones are REALLY saying.

Not what we THINK they're saying.

And this lesson might just change your entire approach to caregiving.

(It sure as heck changed how I’m listening at evaluations.)

So grab a coffee, silence your phone for five minutes, and let's dive in...

💸 The Day My Client Thanked Me For Failing Her

"You are the reason we are going with one of your competitors, and I really want to thank you for that."

I swear, those were her exact words.

Madelyn is in her early 50s, battling bone cancer, and is bravely facing the reality that the life she was supposed to have is slowly being taken from her.

Cancer doesn't just attack the diagnosed piece of your body. It INVADES your life.

It starts by taking little things.

The ability to open a jar without wincing.

The strength to carry groceries from the car.

The luxury of not planning every single movement, that was once taken for granted, is fading.

Then it takes even bigger things.

Your independence. Your dignity. Your sense of being YOU.

I watched her eyes as she looked at that stairlift in our showroom. I saw the battle happening behind them.

Part resignation.

Part rage.

Part "is this really my life now?"

Because let's be honest about what a stairlift REALLY is when you're Madelyn's age.

Or any age actually…

It's not a convenient upgrade. It's not a luxury.

It's an admission.

A surrender flag raised over the battlefield of your own body.

It's saying: "This has taken my beautiful stairs from me too."

That's the part most people in my industry miss.

We talk about "aging in place" and "home accessibility" like they're just practical considerations.

But they're not. They're chapters in the story of loss.

A story nobody ever dreams of starring in.

The true story that flipped my perspective

She originally called about a stairlift because her foot drop had progressed, and the stairs had become dangerous. Her husband Matthew had a two-week trip coming up, and they were concerned about her being alone.

I spend a significant time with them. At our in home visit I learned that they would like to travel but had difficulty finding accessible vacation rentals. I sent emails with some personal resources of mine as well as some from Lifeway provided. I even sent them some vetted recommendations for local help.

In fact… Here are those EXACT emails that we exchanged, resources included!

After the showroom demonstration, I thought we were headed toward a perfect solution.

Then came that phone call.

My heart sank a little. The normal sales rep reaction of dealing with the loss, right?

But then she continued:

"I have to thank you. You're the reason we're choosing your competitor, and I'm so grateful."

I was a bit confused. What?! She is THANKING me for losing her business?

"You said the words 'You have to do what is best for YOU' to me, and that really sat with me," Madelyn explained.

"I went with the other chair because their armrests have more padding. That padding is going to reduce the pain I feel in my palms from chemotherapy when I get on and off the lift."

She kept going: "You reminded me that I am the most important thing here. And you are the reason I am going to have less pain. “

“We might end up with more service calls, and it's not going to blend in with my decor as well… but I will have less pain."

I stood there, phone to my ear, completely stunned. 😯

While I remembered her mentioning concerns about the armrests during our showroom visit...

I had completely missed what she was actually telling me.

My brain had immediately jumped to "how can I modify OUR armrests to make them work for her?" instead of "maybe our product isn't the best fit for her specific needs."

And here's the kicker – Madelyn had literally TOLD me what she needed. She mentioned those armrests and her painful palms.

But I didn't truly HEAR her.

I was too busy thinking about solutions within my control.

Too focused on MY perspective rather than HERS.

Sound familiar?

🫥 The Hidden Language of Needs: Why Our Parents Rarely Tell Us What They Actually Need

This experience hit me like a ton of bricks.

Because it's EXACTLY what happens between aging parents and their adult children. Every. Single. Day.

Our parents rarely come out and directly state their deepest needs.

Instead, they drop subtle hints:

• "These stairs are getting to be a bit much... on some days."
• "I'm fine driving, I just avoid going out after dark now."
• "The bathroom is fine, I'm just more careful these days."

We hear these statements and immediately jump to OUR solutions:

• "Let's look at stairlifts!"
• "Maybe it's time to consider not driving."
• "We should install grab bars right away."

But we're missing the deeper message beneath their words.

What they're REALLY saying might be:

• "I'm terrified of losing my independence."
• "I'm grieving the loss of my evening social life."
• "I'm scared of becoming a burden to you."

When Madelyn mentioned those armrests, she wasn't just talking about padding.

She was saying: "My body is betraying me, and I need every bit of comfort I can get."

But I missed it.

Just like we often miss what our parents are really telling us.

🦻🏻 The "Selective Hearing" Trap: How We Sabotage Our Caregiving Without Realizing It

Let's be brutally honest for a second.

We all suffer from what I call "Selective Caregiving Hearing."

It's that thing where we unconsciously filter what our parents say through our own agenda – even when that agenda comes from a place of love.

Here's what it looks like:

• Your dad says: "I'm managing the yard just fine."
You hear: "I'm too stubborn to admit I need help."
(But maybe he's actually saying: "Yard work is the last place I feel competent and strong.")

• Your mom says: "I don't need those grab bars. They're so ugly."
You hear: "She's being vain and impractical about safety."
(But maybe she's saying: "I'm not ready to see my home transform into a medical facility.")

• Your parent says: "I'll think about that stairlift."
You hear: "They're just stalling and being difficult."
(But maybe they're saying: "I need time to mourn the loss of my fully-able body.")

In Madelyn's case, when she mentioned armrest discomfort, I immediately heard: "This is a minor issue we can probably solve with some DIY padding. And we are going to solve it for every hard surface this woman has to put those painful palms on!"

I didn't hear: "This is a dealbreaker because my pain is severe and constant."

Why do we do this?

Because it's easier to focus on practical solutions than emotional realities.

Because acknowledging their true needs often means facing painful truths.

Because sometimes, their real need isn't something we can fix – and that's terrifying.

🕵🏻‍♂️ How To Become a "Needs Detective": 5 Questions That Uncover What They're Really Asking For

So how do we break through our selective hearing and truly understand what our parents need?

I've been obsessing over this question since my call with Madelyn.

Here are the five powerful questions I'm now going to use in every consultation – and I think they will work just as well whether you're talking to clients or your own parents:

1. "On your worst days, what becomes most difficult?"
(This reveals priorities better than "What do you need help with?")

2. "What would feel like a win for you in this situation?"
(Focuses on THEIR definition of success, not yours)

3. "What are you most concerned about losing?"
(Addresses fears directly rather than dancing around them)

4. "If we could solve only ONE part of this challenge, what should it be?"
(Forces prioritization based on their values, not yours)

5. "What would make you feel like yourself again?"
(This is perhaps the most powerful question of all – it centers dignity and identity)

With Madelyn, if I'd asked these questions more directly, I might have understood that pain management was her absolute top priority – even above aesthetics or long-term maintenance.

I might have realized sooner that our product, while excellent in many ways, simply wasn't the best match for her specific situation.

And I would have saved her the emotional labor of having to advocate for herself against my well-intentioned but misguided solutions.

The Dignity Principle: Sometimes Love Means Stepping Aside

The most profound part of this whole experience?

Madelyn wasn't upset with me. In fact, she was grateful.

Because even though I initially missed what she was telling me, I eventually gave her something more valuable than a perfect stairlift:

Permission to choose what was best for HER.

Sometimes, the greatest gift we can give our aging parents isn't our perfect solution...

It's the space and support to find THEIR perfect solution.

Even when that solution isn't what we would choose.

Even when that solution comes from someone else.

Even when that solution means we have to step aside.

Because at the end of the day, this journey isn't about us being the hero who fixes everything...

It's about THEM maintaining their dignity, comfort, and autonomy for as long as possible.

And sometimes, that means having the courage to say:

"You have to do what's best for YOU."

Those eight words changed Madelyn's life.

They might just change your parent's life too.

Until next week,
Danielle

Don’t Forget! Saturday June 7th

👩🏽‍🦼‍➡️ Is Mom A Wheelchair User? 👩🏽‍🦼‍➡️The Excuse You’ve Been Looking For 👩🏽‍🦼‍➡️