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- Stop Fighting With Mom About Safety (Let The Experts Be The Bad Guys)
Stop Fighting With Mom About Safety (Let The Experts Be The Bad Guys)
How To Be Their Daughter First And Their Caregiver Second
What You’ll Find In This Week’s Newsletter
📢 I Just Want To Go Back To Being Her Daughter
😇 The 'Keep Being Their Daughter' Resource Guide
🚩 The Red Flag Checklist: 27 Signs It’s Time For Professional Help
👩🏽🦼➡️ Is Mom A Wheelchair User? 👩🏽🦼➡️The Excuse You’ve Been Looking
Hello Fellow Rockstar Caregivers,
Week 2 is down and it feels wonderful to be back in the homes of clients and giving them the freedom and independence we all deserve. I can already see that I am going to have to be careful! Lifeway sells stairlifts and elevators and I’m ready to tear homes down to the studs and fix EVERYTHING!
Another topic that came up was how much help IS ok to offer if it is out of the scope of Lifeway products? I’ve been in this space for a very long time and have a few resources up my sleeve! If you have a problem that I can help you solve, I’m in.
I’m sure I will learn how much is too much and will likely get myself into situations that require more than a reasonable amount of support, but that’s ok. It’s moments like THIS that make it all worth it!
Check out my first testimonial!
I’m looking forward to getting into more homes and helping you and your parents like I was able to help this sweet woman. (More to come about the solution we were able to build for her!)
Keep reading for more excited news and great resources.
📢 I Just Want To Go Back To Being Her Daughter!
You ever notice how parents have this magical ability...
To make you feel like you're 12 years old again?
Just last week, I had a client's mom tell her:
"You're being ridiculous. I've lived in this house for 40 years!"
(While literally standing next to a throw rug that was basically a slip-n-slide waiting to happen.)
As I watched this interaction, clarity gave me a nice smack in the face.
When your parent calls you "paranoid" or "overprotective"...
They're not actually talking to adult-you.
They're talking to kid-you.
The you that used to need THEIR protection.
The you that they still see as their "little girl."
Look… As long as YOU'RE the one pointing out safety issues...
They're never going to hear it as professional concern.
They're going to hear it as their "worried daughter" overreacting.
Which is exactly why I'm so excited about these new clinical safety scans we're rolling out.
Lifeway has partnered with DwellSafe and will be offering scans that will be evaluated by their clinical team of physicians and occupational therapists to give you a customized plan that will point out all of mom and dad’s safety concerns and help make a plan to age in place as long as possible.
While that in itself is incredible, these scans change the whole dynamic!
Instead of YOU being the "paranoid" one...
You get to be on THEIR team.
Looking at the professional recommendations TOGETHER.
"Hey Mom... these clinical experts are saying this bathroom setup isn't ideal. What do you think about their suggestions?"
Hits different than:
"Mom, I really think these grab bars would help..."
Because suddenly...
You're not the one "attacking" their independence.
You're their ally. Their advocate. Their daughter.
Looking at expert recommendations WITH them.
And maybe even getting a little annoyed at those "picky professionals" together. 😉
(Trust me, sometimes letting them complain about the "overly cautious doctors" is exactly what they need...)
Because here's the truth about having aging parents:
You can't stop being their caregiver completely.
But you CAN be strategic about HOW you care.
You can be clever about WHERE that care comes from.
And most importantly...
You can find ways to protect them that don't require sacrificing your relationship.
If you'd like to learn more about how these clinical safety scans work...
And how they can help YOU stop being the "bad guy"...
Just hit reply with "TELL ME MORE." and I’ll tell you how you can let the medical professionals do the heavy lifting!
(Pun absolutely intended. Sorry not sorry.)
Because you deserve to be their daughter again.
Even if you're the only one there to help.
😇 The ‘Keep Being Their Daughter’ Guide
Let me give you a couple other resources that might help with the communication:
"The 40/70 Rule"
This guide from Home Instead explains why you should start these conversations when YOU'RE around 40 and THEY'RE around 70.
(Not when you're already in crisis mode...)
The AARP's "We Need to Talk" online seminar
It's basically a cheat sheet for having those awkward safety conversations related to driving.
Without destroying your relationship in the process.
A brilliant study on "Compassionate Deception"
(Yeah, it's actually a thing...)
It explains why sometimes being a little strategic about HOW you present safety solutions...
Is actually the most loving thing you can do.
The "It's Not About The Nail" video
This might seem random...
But this 2-minute YouTube video perfectly explains why our parents get defensive when we try to "fix" their situations.
(Warning: You'll laugh. Think for a while. Then send it to everyone you know.)
Let me know if any of these are helpful!
🚩The Red Flag Checklist: 27 Signs It’s Time For Professional Help
Let's talk about those moments that keep you up at night...
You know the ones.
When you visit your parents and something feels... off.
Maybe it's:
• That weird dent in Mom's car
• Those unopened bills on the counter
• The way Dad keeps saying "I'm fine" (but won't look you in the eye)
You notice these things...
But then immediately feel guilty for "overreacting."
Here's the truth:
Your gut instinct? It's usually right.
That's why I created "The Red Flag Checklist" - a comprehensive guide that covers 27 specific signs it's time to get professional help.
We break it down into six key areas:
• Physical changes (beyond normal aging)
• Environmental red flags (in their home)
• Behavioral shifts (that others might miss)
• Financial warning signs
• Social withdrawal patterns
• Medical concerns
But more importantly...
We explain what these signs actually MEAN.
And what to do when you spot them.
Because sometimes...
Having a checklist is all you need to feel sane again.
Want to see the full guide?
Is Mom A Wheelchair User? 👩🏽🦼➡️The Excuse You’ve Been Looking For
Sponsored By United Spinal Association of Georgia
Your mom's wheelchair could probably use a good cleaning.
Maybe even a tune-up.
But getting her out of the house lately?
It's like trying to convince a cat to take a bath.
"I'm fine staying home..."
"It's too much trouble..."
"Maybe next time..."
Well... I might have the perfect excuse.
United Spinal and FODAC are hosting their 2nd annual WASH N TUNE event...
And here's why it's actually brilliant:
• She gets to get out into the community and socialize.
(And she's "doing YOU a favor" by letting you take her)
• It feels more like a "day out" than a "maintenance thing"
(Which means less resistance)
• The chair gets cleaned and tuned
(By people who actually know what they're doing)
• And most importantly...
You get to just be her DAUGHTER again
No wrestling with cleaners.
No struggling with maintenance.
No being her "wheelchair mechanic."
Just quality time together...
While professionals handle the rest.
Because sometimes... The best way to help our parents...
Is to make it feel like THEY'RE helping US.
(Plus, you know that chair could use a good scrub...)
I have met some wonderful people out there and am excited to see some of these solutions being installed.
I was actually able to go through the process of initial consultation to install this week!
Such a great experience to be able to meet the clients, make the plan, and provide an installed solution that took the stress of getting NOT 1, but BOTH of their mothers up and down their stairs.
I also got to see one of my teammates in action!
Meet Adrian!
Until Next Week!
Danielle